Perfectly Ordinary

Jewel-bright hydrangeas at Thorp Perrow

You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s still summer, judging by the photograph above of hydrangeas still in full bloom, but if you look closer you might see the subtle signs of the start of decay. We marvel at the riotous colours of this season – deep green, mustard yellow, burnt orange, crimson, rich chestnut brown – and the rich, earthy smells, and we want them to linger; we want to soak up the warm autumn sun and wander endlessly through piles of crisp leaves. But Nature is never paused, and those crisp leaves will turn to soggy mulch after a few good downpours, the temperature will drop, and those rich hues will inevitably fade to leave the countryside a bit greyer. Once this crisp, clear, colourful part of autumn passes, we often feel sad that another year is drawing to an end and we want to hang on to it, we try to ignore the change and decay and focus on more uplifting thoughts, or are impatient for the next season. That’s totally understandable, and normal, but what if we looked at this from another perspective?

We could embrace the inevitable change and decline, accept the impermanence of nature (and indeed life), and be inquisitive about it all. After all, even though the flowers and leaves are dead and gone, their decay has fed the earth ready for next spring and there are still plenty of marvels around during later autumn and winter. The Japanese philosophy of ‘wabi sabi’ centres on an acceptance of the transient and unpredictable nature of life, and adopting the wisdom to live an imperfect life. It’s rooted in ancient Zen Buddhism and the tea ceremony which prizes not perfection, but imperfection, handmade tea bowls that are uneven in shape, with cracked glazes or discolouration. This isn’t about being gloomy, or not enjoying life; it’s not wanting to preserve that perfect autumn day with nothing to mar it. It’s about accepting that autumn and winter happen as regularly as spring and summer, birth and death carry equal weight, and that life has these balances. It’s not just about creating the picture-perfect life, of copying the sort of rustic simplicity we see on Instagram or glossy home magazines. We could invite a little ‘wabi sabi’ into our lives by slowing down a little, embracing the cycle of seasons, and enjoying the pleasure and simplicity of everyday life, without necessarily wanting to change or perfect it. Accept life for what it is NOW, don’t keep looking for some ideal that doesn’t exist, or you might miss the beauty in the everyday, the mundane, the ordinary.

The beauty of the ordinary
A mass of ivy hiding a tree trunk, gloriously messy

I have to admit to spending some time trying to get the ‘perfect’ pictures on our trip to Thorp Perrow this weekend, and arranging my haul of leaves and chestnuts into Insta-worthy photographs, but I did also visually drink in the atmosphere of the place, and breathe in the rich, musty aromas of the change of the season. In the West, we’ve lost the knack of simply accepting life as it is: we don’t often see the beauty in a messy house or garden; we try to clean up and prettify the mud and rust instead of being fascinated by their chemistry. Richard Powell, author of “Wabi Sabi Simple“, says, “accepting the world as imperfect, unfinished, and transient, and then going deeper and celebrating that reality, is something not unlike freedom.”

Moss and lichen clothing a weathered statue

That said, I’m not advocating for either ignoring your housework or monastic minimalism, but how about accepting the parts of your life and surroundings that aren’t perfect? Indeed, you could embrace the dents in your old furniture rather than polishing them to smooth perfection. They’re evidence of life in action – maybe you remember when you dropped the plate that made that dent, or the people who were around the table that day? Perhaps you could enjoy the few weeds in your lawn or path, and marvel at their tenacity in pushing through the soil and paving slabs, instead of automatically reaching for the weedkiller. There is something compelling about observing quite ordinary things; spend long enough doing it and you do become fascinated with them. When one of my sons was about 4, he was sitting on the doorstep deeply engrossed in something. I sat beside him to see what had caught his attention, and it was ‘just’ a woodlouse, apparently giving birth to baby woodlice. It was very ordinary but fascinating at the same time, and he sat there, watching, until the whole family had trundled off. On remembering this recently, I researched it and discovered that woodlice eggs hatch inside the mother, in a pouch similar to a kangaroo, where they mature until they’re ready to be ‘born’!

Patterns of decay

All this deep thinking isn’t to suggest that we sit around waiting for the inevitability of death, or live in drab surroundings because we don’t want to tamper with things – that’s far too depressing and we want to enjoy and immerse ourselves in our lives! There’s something joyous about observing natural changes and decline, without letting yourself become negative about those changes. You can live your life in riotous colour, with the loudest of music and friends, at the same time as being appreciative of the fact that you might not be able to do those things with the same vim and vigour at 80 as you did at 40. I simply invite you to notice those things which we often ignore. Who knows, that noticing and acceptance might add much greater meaning to your enjoyment of the louder, brighter, newer, and cleaner?!

This week, I challenge you to open your eyes a little to take in more of the mundane and imperfect, to give it more attention, and marvel in it. Let me know if you try it, and what you discover or experience!

Anna xx

Autumn beauty


Drinking in the beautiful autumn sunshine

After a shaky start to last week (being rear-ended by another car, insurance ‘phone calls, sorting my car to the garage, trip to A&E to record whiplash etc…), things just had to get better, and so they did. The 13 year old finally re-started school, the weather continued to be glorious, I had happy post from Karen (beautiful earrings that I’d bought) and Andrea (surprise book in the post), and managed to get out for TWO decent walks this weekend!! Oh, and said 13 year old’s football team won their match on Sunday! Now, I’m aware this week may go totally pear-shaped to compensate, but I’m hanging on to these blessings for now, in case I need to remember them to balance out any lesser days.

Beautiful hand made ceramic earrings by Karen Howarth

Maybe balance is what we could be striving for, instead of aiming for heady highs and dreading valley-deep low times, especially when our lives are subject to such uncertainty at the moment. Gentle ups and downs in life may be easier to flow with, and certainly they’re gentler on the mind and body than ecstatic lifts and catastrophic dips in my experience. I cope much better with moderate waves, rather than tsunamis of emotion and experience, definitely much better for my mental health which has been very rocky at times, to say the least! That said, the sort of natural ecstasy you sometimes experience in nature just can’t be beaten: that overwhelming bliss you feel in your special place, be it woodland, a wide open field, up a mountain, or at the coast. I find that if I take the time to drink in that experience, to breathe in (literally and metaphorically) the sights, sounds and smells, rather than rushing the day, then it’s easier for me to ‘come down’ from the experience, and not crash and feel down or saddened that’s it’s at an end. Laura, a mindful yoga teacher and passionate advocate for getting outside as often as possible, started a new class today, incorporating a short walk and some mindful time in one of our many local woodland areas. The rain didn’t detract from the pleasure of consciously walking through the woods, I think it even added an extra element – the pattering of raindrops through the leaves is incredibly soothing on a very deep level. For once, I didn’t take photographs (which I always do outside), but took the opportunity to simply be, to feel and hear my surroundings – highly recommend it, especially if you’re feeling out of sorts or unbalanced in some way.

A riot of brambles framing Castle Hill

As I was looking through previous photographs, and deciding which to publish here, I noticed how many of my shots are balanced in different ways. There might be balance in the amount of sky versus greenery, trees versus fields, coastline versus sea, colour versus shade. There’s often a bit of variation – I seldom plan the ‘perfect’ shot – but there’s something about a shot with even amounts of light and dark, or using the ‘rule of thirds’, that feels and looks ‘right’ to me. Sometimes it’s not obvious why a shot works, I’m unsure quite where the balance is, but you just have a gut feeling that it’s ‘right’.

WW2 anti-aircraft artillery gun posts near Castle Hill

Balance is also part of my yoga classes with Laura, and pilates with Jana: literally balancing on one leg, doing exercises on each side of the body to work muscles equally, and breathing deeply to balance your mind. And we all know about balanced eating, of course, even if we don’t always choose to do it! How about balanced working? That work/life balance that’s been the talk of recent years? Maybe you got yours to the right level for you and your family, and then Covid has blown it all out of the water. Has working from home blurred the lines between work and family too much, have you found yourself working until silly o’clock for your paid job because you had to help your children with online schooling, or become drawn into domestic tasks instead of the paid work you really needed to do? It’s become much harder for some of us to balance all these demands, because we’re at home so much, there are few demarcation lines between what’s paid work, and what’s home and family time. And just as we saw those compartments becoming clearer again our part of Yorkshire has had a tighter lockdown imposed, and now government tells us we need to return to working from home again – talk about becoming unbalanced!

Maybe these occasions are opportunities to breathe deeply and practise standing on one leg (literally if you fancy it!) before we get to that panicked stage where our minds and bodies have gone past the point of balance. There’s a distinct imbalance in our social connections right now, due to the restrictions we’re living under, leading many people to experience prolonged and severe loneliness for the first time in their lives. My friend Wendy, a respected psychotherapist, social worker, and wellness expert, talks about loneliness on her blog, even going so far as to describe it as “one of the least understood consequences of the Coronavirus pandemic.” Juliet, of The Curious Creative Club, very aptly describes these momentous times as a roller coaster in her current blog post, and talks about how to keep connected in different ways, as we can’t currently do things the same way as we were doing six months ago. She encourages us to look for other means of connectivity: Zoom calls, WhatsApp or Messenger chat groups, various social media groups and pages. I feel that this goes some way to address the imbalances we’re currently experiencing due to Covid, the lack of real, face-to-face contact with anyone: from the doctor (telephone appointments only) to my part-time job (internal exams being done differently, therefore no invigilation work), friends’ soirées cancelled (can’t go to someone’s house at the moment) to WOW meetings via Zoom (closed venue and some members shielding). As many of us are struggling with various aspects of our unbalanced lives, and we’re living with a high degree of uncertainty regarding the future, maybe we could also see this moment as a rebalancing in itself. Perhaps we’d become so used to rushing around every day, to filling every minute to the brim and seldom being still, that this sudden pause is the swing of the pendulum, and instead of feeling panic we could accept some of the space to steady our personal see-saws.

I wonder what weights you could identify and shift from one side of your scales to the other? Could you step outside into your garden for 10 minutes to have a break from your computer screen every hour or so, to balance all that artificial light with some natural daylight? Or maybe tweak some of your work hours so that you can have half an hour with your children when they come home from school? Perhaps you feel like getting up from the kitchen table-cum-desk at lunchtime, and having a kitchen disco to bring some feeling back into your legs?! We’ve forgotten what it’s like to be part of something natural, to balance being inside a modern ‘cave’ with getting outside and letting our inner caveman or woman feel the sun and rain on our skin, to re-set our systems and feel refreshed.

So my first ever challenge to anyone reading is to note where you feel your life may not be balanced for you (ignore that pesky comparisonitis!), and try one or two tiny ways of addressing that deficit. I’d love to know how you get on!

Vibrant purples at the coast

New Season, New Things

Blue skies and fairies dancing amongst the grass

We’re half way through September already, how did that happen?! The children are back at school, although it’s very different from this time last year, and the days are shortening a little bit now. It still feels like summer, especially with the warm, sunny weather we’ve had this week, but there’s that faint, exciting hint of autumn not far away: slightly fresher mornings, the smell of vegetation just on the edge between ripeness and decay, the way light and sound travel differently. I’ve dug out my extra fairy lights, checking whether they need new batteries, ready for darker tea times, and the wood burner will be cleaned out and laid this week in preparation for those cooler days when you need something cosy.

Before I’d even heard of hygge, I’ve always loved the idea of snuggling into a cosy blanket, candles lit, with a cuppa (or glass of wine!) and a good book or film, after a long walk outside in the crisp, autumn sunshine. It’s that consciousness with which you enjoy those little bright points, focussing on the gentle rituals of making coffee or tea, going around the room and lighting each candle in turn to brighten the gloom of a winter afternoon, that is at the heart of hygge. I think most Northern countries have such rituals, even if we don’t all have names for them.

How do you feel about the end of the summer, the prospect of an Indian summer before really autumnal weather arrives? Do you relish those warm, sunny days (as I do), still no jacket needed and being able to lie on the grass, soaking up the liquid gold of the sunshine through every pore? We had a walk along the canal late yesterday afternoon, calling for a beer at Zapato‘s pop up bar. Sitting on the warm grass, eyes closed and head up to the sun, was the best way to end a Sunday.

Warm September sun and a cold beer – lovely!

There’s much to love about the coming autumn, but this little pocket of almost-summer is special. The sun’s still strong enough to colour your skin and ripen the apples, and even to develop the cyanotype prints I’ve dabbled with for the first time this week. I’ve not tried this art form before, but I’m hooked! It’s a real antidote to the instant images I made using my ‘phone this weekend. There’s something mindful and magical about this way of creating an image, it’s almost alchemy. You need to be careful about the placement of your objects on the paper, and yet quick enough that the process doesn’t begin before you’re ready, and (unlike a mobile ‘phone photograph that’s instantly available) the waiting and curiosity to see the finished image is a great reminder of how to be patient. I even hid the images and rinsed them without looking until they were done because I wanted the magic and mystery to last that extra minute or two! Well worth the wait, though! The first couple weren’t what I expected, so I changed how I’d done them to produce a third – progress not perfection, as Deborah and Juliet say!

From this…
…to this…
…and, finally, this!

We know that time progresses, and that life itself isn’t perfect – far from it! – but these little pockets in late summer/early autumn are given to us to savour. Maybe it’s Nature’s way of easing us and herself into the next season, rather than a brutal downhill slalom. Why not enjoy a little of it for yourself this week, don’t rush back into work/school/old habits too fast? Let me know in the comments if you decide to try something new for this new season! 🙂

Creative Technology

Hello again, September is gathering speed now: my children will be back at school shortly, after 6 months of being away, and life will look different once more, not sure where we’re headed but it will be an interesting trip and I’m curious to see where we end up!

Just before the tower became really precarious!
Our local version of Monopoly – do you know any of these places?

My daughter’s been a bit obsessed with Monopoly and Jenga this week, which is very timely as I’m trying to reduce screen time for all of us, and playing games like these requires you to think more. My friend, Wendy, has published a very apt blog post on the subject of our interactions with electronic technology (here), inviting us to scrutinise our use of it, and suggesting that we could have a gentle detox from time to time. Goodness knows, we’ve used technology increasingly during the last 6 months (out of necessity mostly), and it may be a good thing to wind it in a little bit where we can to give ourselves a breather.

That said, if it wasn’t for technology I wouldn’t have been able to take part in some online coaching sessions recently, with their related social media groups and individuals. Nicola Rae-Wickham, of A Life More Inspired, and Andrea Callanan work in very different ways to encourage you to explore your life and shape it differently, and they’ve both taken advantage of technology to re-direct their businesses during these times when face-to-face seminars and workshops couldn’t take place. The Impact Club is another amazing (and local!) group, which is very friendly as well as professional, run by Deborah Ogden who helps people to to build their personal brand. Likewise, Psychologies magazine has used this period to launch some similar programmes (see here), with online video resources and social media support/accountability groups. Susan Yeates, of Magent Sky and the 30 Day Sketchbook Challenge, has also launched some online printmaking and art courses which you can access at your leisure. It feels incongruous and counter-intuitive to sit at a computer screen to take part in these courses, particularly creative ones, but I’m justifying it because the video content is always available for you whenever you have the time, so I think it’s a good alternative to attending a live class in an actual venue – remember those?! I find that, as I can go back to videos and other resources when I need to, I don’t feel pressured to remember everything or write it down; I can go away from it all, use the ideas to create something, and go back if I forget the brief. When you’re not feeling anxious about remembering ‘everything’, you enjoy the activity so much more, and really immerse yourself in it. Sometimes I saturate my senses with the resources – videos, groups, Pinterest, etc. – then leave it for a day or two, so that the visual information can percolate into my head and heart. I find that if I then surround myself with art or writing materials, and just sit with the mental afterburn of the images, the ideas seem to come tumbling out, and sometimes I can’t keep up!

Using technology this way means has also enabled me to collaborate with a local graphic design firm, Red Crest Studios, who’ve been great to work with, and I now have a shiny new logo for my brand!! You’ll see it popping up here and there soon, especially on new creative products and ventures. I’m starting work on designs for Christmas cards and other ideas (hint, hint!), and it will be exciting to see my logo as part of the products!

Little teaser of my new logo – all will be revealed soon!

Christmas may seem far away to most of you, but September has always been my new year or new start, as you know, and I’ve always begun Christmas planning at this time of year. It’s a family thing, as I remember my mum keeping a journal of sorts from year to year, detailing what she bought and made, meal plans, etc., they’re a fascinating bit of social history from my childhood! When my older children were young, we had very little money, so it was even more important to start preparing early: there was time to save those few pounds every week towards gifts and food treats without noticing it too much. Nowadays, technology tends to supplant a lot of this planning for many of us (there are even Christmas planning apps now!), but I find that ‘old school’ technology (aka some lush notebooks and pens!) is the best antidote to rushing and technology for me. It’s a time when I can indulge my stationery habit (not that I ‘need’ new notebooks, but then ‘need’ is a very subjective term…!), find some lovely pens, a pencil and ruler, and have a quiet, mindful spell of planning and writing, choosing my colour key for the year, and thinking about the people for whom I’m planning – remembering their interests, who likes what food, and often designing a unique and intimate card.

An unashamedly unseasonal photo from last year – except for the plaque and peg dolls everything designed and made by me

So, back to technology to round up: where do you sit with it, are you ok with the amount/quality of time it takes up for you, do you make it work for you rather than you being a slave to it, do you feel that you make effective use of it? Have a think, make some adjustments if you feel that’s right for you, no judgement from me (can hardly throw metaphorical stones when I’ve sometimes spent over an hour mindlessly scrolling with no benefit!) – if you have some ideas, let me know in the comments!

Autumn Colours

Return to Whitby, August bank holiday 2020

Hello and welcome, on the first day of September! We’re now two thirds of the way through 2020, with a new school term, autumn, Hallowe’en, and Christmas still to come. It was the last summer bank holiday here in England yesterday, and we had glorious weather after several days of murk. We had a much-needed day out in Whitby – fresh, sea air, wall-to-wall sunshine, café lunch, beer, ice cream, doughnuts and a stick of rock (too early for a partridge in a pear tree…!). I’m so grateful that England is saturated with these green and blue lungs within fairly easy reach: getting outside into green spaces or to the coast are my best memories from childhood, and I realise how much more of these experiences I desperately need to help me feel more ‘me’! I feel so much more alive and creative after a day like yesterday, so I want to capitalise on that and make creativity a regular habit again, instead of letting myself ( and I do mean my SELF) become hidden and starved of all that creativity! (I know that sentence was poor English, but you know what I mean!)

Gorgeous amethyst-coloured flowers!
I love the way the beach huts perfectly complement the greys and greens around them
Little spots of daylight peeping through the nibbled mallow leaves

It was a long drive to Whitby yesterday, in miles and particularly time – I think a lot of people had the same idea and were longing for some sea air – and I just wanted to be there, NOW, after so long away from those natural surroundings. It was worth the wait and it felt like all those other visitors were also grateful for the sun and sea air. This anticipation of finally getting somewhere you want/need to be is a good analogy with other aspects of my life. It’s been a long trip to find out where and what I want to be, maybe I’ve followed too many wrong turns, but I think my internal sat nav’s finally got the update it needed and is working properly at last! I now recognise how much I need to be outside in natural spaces with the people I love, in order to function properly, and years of not doing so has caused some real damage, hopefully not irreversible. This week feels like a good time to be picking up the reins of creativity – as I said last week, September is the real ‘new year’ for me, and I’d like to hit the ground running when the children get back to school over the next couple of weeks! I’ve seen so many friends posting on their socials about this very same thing: that September feels like a more natural start/re-boot than January. I believe that this year it’s even more the case, as children and those who work in schools face a very different ‘new year’ from any they’ve ever known.

Bright green potato leaves, lilac potato flowers, and the black and rich yellow of a bee in my garden

Looking out of my front window this afternoon, although it’s mild and the sun keeps popping out, some of the trees and plants I can see are ever so slightly tinged with yellow and brown already, just a faint hint of autumn beginning to kick in. I love these changes in hue, a colourful reminder that nature’s always in flux, is rarely still, and that change is very often a good and necessary part of life. In Juliet’s latest live video for Psychologies Magazine she talks about colour, inspired by her recent visit to Cornwall. She suggests 3 different exercises around the use of colour, each of which could be interesting to do at this time of year. I remember that my lovely little mum loved autumnal changes – she would make displays from dried vegetation and flowers, cooked seasonally, and sometimes from foraged foods, and gently eased us children into autumn and then winter, as each special day/food/event approached. The changing scenery in our house served as a reminder of things always shifting, albeit at a gentle pace. Changing your surroundings is also a way to boost your creativity, to get you thinking about different things, or in a different way, without it being too much of a shock to your system. Last week, I visited The Flex Collective, to have a nosy and spend a bit of time away from my own four walls. Jayne has created a calm space, yet with zingy yellow pops of colour, for anyone wanting a professional environment without the massive costs that large offices can bring. Well, in just the 90 minutes I was there, I had some lovely conversation with Jayne and another friend who was there, and managed to knock out a simple poem – proof positive that getting out of your comfort zone, and being surround by subtly different colours, really can boost your creativity! Why not try it for yourself?! Here’s what I wrote:

The Flex Collective, Denby Dale, August 2020

I wonder if any of you reading this also feel that September and early autumn are the beginnings of your new year? Could these feelings and thoughts hark back to older ways and the gentle urgency of harvest times, and preparing for the slowing down and hibernation of winter? These days it might not be practical or possible to fill every single storage space with food and drink, to fend off lean food times and short dark days, but we can still enjoy the beginning of a new season. We can pay attention to the watering down of the sunlight, the brilliant hues of changing leaves, and immerse ourselves in it all, and see where it leads our creativity. Why not have a wander around your garden one morning with your cuppa, and really look at the colours of the plants you usually take for granted? Do those changes spark any creative ideas? Let me know how you get on and have fun!

Richly coloured Victoria plums bursting with flavour!

Back Into Gear

A carpet of wild flowers near the canal towpath

Well, we’re heading towards the end of August now, hubby’s birthday and a bank holiday looming, and the annual getting ready for a new school year ritual, which will be quite different this year. I’ll still have the battles over re-introducing a regular bedtime, cutting down tech time, and trying/buying new uniforms and shoes (an especial nightmare when one child’s sensory issues get worse each year!), so no change there! Having been out of school for 23 weeks up to press, it’s going to take a bit longer than previous years to establish new routines; it’s essentially going to be like school for the first time, but with children who are 13 and nearly 11 it could be interesting come September!

I’ve always loved the sense of new starts that September instils: as a child it was the only time of year I had a lot of new things all at once; it’s that anticipation of a new classroom and teacher at junior school, new timetables and maybe new faces at high school. As a parent, it’s been decades of seeing my own children suddenly more grown up with fresh haircuts, too-big, crisp uniforms, polished shoes (scuffed by the end of day 1!), after a summer of long hair, casual clothes, trainers or no shoes at all. Consequently, September is very often a new start for me, too. It’s been the time when I’ve had a new job, often in education to fit in with my children, or gone back to education myself. Because September is so much about new starts, these last couple of weeks in August are all about anticipation, preparation, and maybe tinged with some sadness as I realise that my littlies are another year older and wondering where the time went.

However, children do get older and go into new school years, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t also relish a bit of calm at home sometimes, when they head out for the day. It’s just those first few days, when you feel slightly abandoned and lonely at the same time. I think this September will be as hard for me as it will for my children; I’ve not had them at home with me for such a long spell since they were tiny, so I’m going to have a lot of adjusting to do, too. To help me cope with this, I’m planning some new things and changes for myself, or re-starting would be a more accurate word. I want to write much more, I have so many creative ideas for art pieces swirling around my mind, and I’m finally starting work with a graphics artist to create a proper logo for Yorkshire Wellies – watch this space! I’ll be starting on Christmas designs for cards, thinking about some bigger/more bespoke pieces, and maybe something a little more quirky.

The end of August also feels like a good time to look back a bit, to reflect on what we did over the summer months, ready to tell our friends when we go into those new settings, or as ice breakers when we nervously start that new job or college course. Obviously, this year has been markedly different: no summer holiday away from home, very few outings generally, no family get-togethers, no football (son) or running (me). So what did this spring and summer look like in the end? Well, my children are now a lot calmer overall, despite the angst generated by the X-box and so on, we’ve had some time outside for walks without having to clock-watch, and decorated my daughter’s bedroom, giving her the choices for colours and so on. I’ve read more books in this period than I have in a long time, and I’ve had time to really think about things (rather than rushing a decision or coming to the wrong conclusion because I didn’t mull it over long enough). I know my mental health has also taken a battering, I’ve had spells of being the worst I can remember for some time. Ironically, that’s when you need external help, yet there hasn’t been any due to lockdown! However, I’m still here; I’m a semi colon and not a full stop, so I’m thankful for that. Perhaps this long period without the usual rituals and rushing around has been a mixed blessing – time to relax and reflect can also bring up the less healthy stuff as well as giving you a breather, especially when you don’t have anyone to bounce off, so introspection leads you into a much more negative place without those balances often provided by friends’ perspectives. Yesterday, I went for a walk with a couple of friends; glorious sunshine and nearly 7 kilometres (just over 4 miles), really made my day, along with some great conversation!

All this greenery and space very close to the motorway on my walk yesterday!

As I began writing this morning, it was very wet and blustery, the temperature more like October, very back-endish as we say here, and feeling very much like the new term was fast approaching. I love this sort of weather as much as sunny days, though, makes it feel like a baking day, and we’ve run out of nibbles so baking it will be this afternoon! My pilates teacher, Jana, is doing a week of nourishing food ideas, helping us to work out what our bodes need as we get a little older, closer to the menopause, and needing different kinds of foods and minerals (see her Easy Summer Goddess post here). It’s helping me to re-focus on what’s good for me here and now, not just food, instead of looking inwards, backwards, or forwards too much and concentrating on what might be missing. At the other end of the fertility spectrum, my older daughter has just announced to the world that she’s expecting her second child, which is such fabulous news! It’s good to have something so positive to focus on, when the world’s been a little hard to live in for a while, and we’re all so excited for her, her partner and their son, who’s now got the important job of becoming a big brother!

Have a good week, and do let me know (via the comments) what your summer’s been like, and how you’re going to approach the end of it and the beginning of a new start in September!

One Step Forward, Two Back…

Have you ever had a period of time when you wanted/had planned to do various things, felt motivated to crack on with your plans, had the time and the resources, and then…just didn’t? You didn’t do any of those things, and even felt like you were suddenly in retreat without warning, like an army taking a huge step back from going over the trenches? Well, I’ve had one of those weeks and can only explain partly why I felt that way – terrible lack of sleep (muggy nights and too much head chatter), being busier than expected with other things, etc. – so I’m curious to find out why I sabotaged myself.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads for some reason, and that my car hasn’t just stalled but started up again and has reversed somewhat. My perfectionism and imposter syndrome have both reared their ugly heads, as has the old comparisonitis, which isn’t helping. In this frame of mind, I’ve been aimlessly wandering through Pinterest, ostensibly looking for art inspiration, and was curious to see things I hadn’t been searching for popping up – almost like little nudges to make me look at them. (Yes, I know it’ll be an algorithm, bear with me…)

These were comments along the lines of how feeling scared might be a signal that you’re subconsciously about to make a big decision, or suggesting that, out of any possible choices to make, the scariest might be the one that’s going to help you grow the most. Or the Tolkien quote (from the Lord of the Rings) that says, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us”. That last one reminded me of Mary Oliver’s poem, “The Summer Day”, which ends with this line…

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Maybe the universe has been trying its best to whisper, and it’s now starting to raise its voice as it feels I’m not paying attention? I mentioned last week that my friend, Juliet, had spoken of Oprah Winfrey’s recent podcast, where she describes exactly this. Listening to that podcast was one of the things I wanted to do, a whisper I didn’t pay attention to until yesterday (ironic, isn’t it?!). Best thing I did yesterday, hands down…

I’m going to take the time to listen to my whispers this week, to work out exactly what they’re telling me, before the whispers become the pebbles against the window (although I think that might already be happening!) or the “brick upside the head” that Oprah talks about! I know I shared the photo below last week, from my vision board, but today it feels even more apt – see, I bet these are some of the little whispers right there!

The other steps I’m going to take this week are literal ones – I’ve been very lazy regarding exercise recently so it feels like starting again. Maybe we can make a better habit from now on; aim for a daily walk instead of a half hearted one every now and then. Starting smaller, but more whole-heartedly, to regain our physical and mental health. We live on the edge of the most stunning countryside in the UK (but I am incredibly biased!), and it shames me that we’re not exploring it enough.

View from Castle Hill one frosty morning last November

We’ve several weeks before the children return to school, so plenty of time to create this good habit, and bring hubby along at the weekends. Creating a new family routine will be good for us, and walks together will give us tech-free time together. We could go to a different place each weekend of the year and still not have explored the whole of our county, so we have loads to go at! What are you doing this week? Have your plans materialised or been scuppered? What else could you do instead? Could you just sit in your stalled car, like I’ve done, enjoy the view from your open window, give the engine a break and then re-start it to continue your journey? Let me know in the comments, and get yourselves outside into the glorious weather!

Summer Breeze

Hello again, welcome to August and belated happy Yorkshire Day from my little corner of it! August weather is different from July; it feels fuller, somehow, like it’s breathing more deeply whilst there are still long days filled with light. The days can be warm and close, nights not much different unless there’s a breeze. These days instantly bring to mind Seals’ and Crofts’ song, ‘Summer Breeze‘; even if we don’t grow jasmine in Yorkshire you can close your eyes and almost smell it.

I’ve spent quite a lot of time outdoors this week with those summer breezes, which has been wonderful despite the raging hayfever that’s the payoff! A group of us from our WOW Wednesday accountability group met up at Yorkshire Sculpture Park on the day it re-opened (Wednesday, very apt!), and it was so good to see them in real life, instead of via a computer screen. I even managed to get to my 10,000 daily steps in well before tea time! I’ve really let that daily target slip a lot during lockdown, and felt quite anxious about not meeting it for a while (all the “shoulds” trying to bubble up to the surface!). I let go of that sooner than expected, a sign to me that I’m realising that some of these things that we beat ourselves up about don’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

WOW Wednesday on tour!

I spent a chunk of Saturday afternoon in the garden, pruning the apple tree back and other tidying jobs. I know, I know, winter’s the time for pruning fruit trees, but it had become a real liability to itself and that part of the garden, so the deed was done. We filled a large shopping bag with the apples that were worth saving (big enough and not eaten or bruised), so some good has come out of the ruthless cut. There are also some bigger twiggy branches saved for kindling next winter. I feel there’s a parallel here with the way you might choose to cut stuff out of your life that’s not serving you well, in order to make your life healthier for you; the pruning may hurt, and makes things look and feel worse for a time, but you come back stronger, bearing more fruit, and having deeper roots to weather storms, just like my apple tree. Have you noticed anything like this if you’ve made what a drastic change somewhere in your life? Let me know how it felt, and whether it led to permanent changes for you.

Before the chop…
…and after!

I’m currently reading ‘The Source’ by Dr Tara Swart as part of my ongoing revamp of my life; it’s an excellent read that sits half way between a scientific book on how the brain works and a coaching/self improvement book. As a psychologist, I find the neuroscience totally fascinating, and it’s well-blended with examples from her practice, and ways to put this knowledge into action in your own life. She talks about brain plasticity, how your brain is still capable of change at any age, it’s not just the province of babies and children. Dr Swart suggests ways to practise stretching your brain in order to effect positive change amongst its neurons which, in turn, can affect your life as a whole, thus enabling you to change any areas in which you feel you are lacking. I’m aware that I’ve previously mentioned books I’ve read and courses I’m following, and it might come across as all theory and no action. My friend, Juliet, of The Curious Creative Club, once told me it was time to do less reading and more ‘doing’ (think I’ve said that before, too, memory of a goldfish!), and I am ‘doing’ as much as I’m reading, it just takes time and I’m daring greatly in little ways for now. I’d love to hear about any books you’ve read that you found profound, meaningful, or plain helpful in any way; I’m always looking out for my next good read!

I’ve got a few hours a week delivering for a local florist (another way of being outdoors), which means I have to talk to complete strangers when I deliver their flowers, which is a big thing for me. Maybe showing up needn’t be the grand things you see your friends doing; maybe, for now, it’s getting comfortable talking to strangers, going to unfamiliar places, doing things just outside your comfort zone instead of miles outside of it, until you’re ready to up the ante. Michelle Cowan, a fellow WOW Wednesday-er and sales/growth expert, has introduced me to an up-and-coming graphic designer (another ‘stranger’ for me to talk to!) to work with on a logo for Yorkshire Wellies. This enterprise will be more than a blog before long, so I’d like a new identity for it all, and it’s exciting and scary in equal measures!

As part of improving/changing parts of my life, I had blood tests done yesterday for coeliac disease and iron deficiency – prompted by my suspicion of problems tolerating wheat-based foods and other issues. Coeliac disease runs in my family, so it’s worth doing. I’ve felt quite poorly over the last few weeks because of eating so much bread and pasta, it’s such a relief to cut it out again – roll on plenty of ‘real’ food! Summer’s a good time for me to get into the habit of eating well, when I fancy salad, fish, veg, and loads of water. I feel so much better when I eat this way – more alert, less lethargic, and generally better all round. Consequently, I feel more positive mentally, more creative, and much more open to change and new ventures. I’m also taking advice from another WOW member, Sue Salmon, a medical herbalist, on how to improve my gut health, which brings me neatly back to Tara Swart who speaks about gut instinct or that inner voice, as does Juliet in her recent blog post. I’m ready to listen to my inner whispers again, and get out my paints, find a book to write in, or finally get going with my sewing machine again – can’t wait!

What are you going to do with your August? Have you managed to book a little holiday somewhere, are you taking a break from working from home, or maybe you’re going to do a bit of life stocktaking and look ahead just into the autumn? Do let me know!!

Blue Yorkshire skies!…

A close-up from my recent vision board. The way these 3 quotes are right next to each other is true serendipity

I’ve been thinking more about change and started writing last night, but it felt and looked wrong somehow so I began again this morning. A year ago, maybe even more recently, I’d have spent hours agonising over re-writing, perfecting the grammar, dragging out of myself what I thought I wanted to say like bent, rusty nails from old floorboards, instead of simply changing or deleting. Yesterday I just read it a few times, thought s*d it, and deleted it so I could start again with a clean page (well, computer screen…). Maybe this is what change looks like sometimes: the willingness to ditch something that’s no longer serving you. Part of me is terrified of change because the familiar is known, even if it’s not the best place for you; uncertainty feels very risky and scary. That old caveman bit of my brain is most definitely in charge a lot of the time, fight/flight/freeze always just below the surface, but you’d be hard pressed to notice if you met me in person.

However, there’s also a tiny bit of my (brain? mind? soul?) that’s so weary of hiding and keeping quiet, of feeling unseen, of squashing down her needs all the time, and it’s trying to make itself heard because it desperately wants change. Not having much success, mind you, but trying nonetheless! I’ve previously likened this to being a Borrower in reverse: wanting to be seen and heard, instead of being quiet and unseen. Is this the start of some kind of personal evolution? A suggestion that change isn’t to be feared, but rather something to be approached with curiosity? My friend, Juliet, touched on change in this week’s Psychologies’ InstaLive on Instagram. She invited us to be curious about our state of mind and being, both during and after the creative task that she set. The task is to think about a guiding word for the rest of 2020, maybe changing from the one you’d chosen at the start of the year. This year has changed tremendously in so many ways from previous years, and from what we expected/planned in January, and those guiding words we may have chosen simply don’t serve us now.

I suppose it’s the ultimate about face: you’d planned, or looked forward to, all sorts based on previous years’ experience, and perhaps chosen your guiding word based on those assumptions, but instead we’ve all had to make totally unexpected changes very quickly. One thing we spoke about at Deborah’s Impact Club this week was about what change we’d made. For some it was simply an accountability exercise, for others it was about actual changes they’d made, or had recognised they wanted to make. I’m consciously planning and incorporating little changes in my life now, to see how I manage before I make the bigger ones, although that tiny part of my brain that’s longing for change keeps pushing for more, sooner. Dare I let it out? Is it wise to do so? Is it just some sort of rebellion against years of no real change, resulting in a mad desire for big change? Well, I’m the last person to know!!

Being creative/artistic/innovative is one way to make changes, maybe the best way, and what I’m turning to after years of denying I was creative. Perhaps change is necessary when you’re engaged in creative pursuits, maybe change and creativity are two sides of the same coin. There’s a sort of curiosity at play when you begin a painting, write a poem, turn wood or stone into new forms, cook, or create music. Very few creative pieces end how they start out; they tend to evolve, almost organically. That’s change at its finest, purest form, I believe. Maybe creativity and change are meant to go hand in hand: the spark of an idea that grows, shapes, takes different paths constantly, until it finds what and where it’s meant to be. Nature doesn’t resist change, it simply alters direction, tries a new path, and mostly survives, even if it’s in a different form. If you’re not sure what I mean, go and find a tree that’s more than a couple of years old, somewhere it’s been exposed to the elements day in and day out. Chances are it will have bent with the wind, adapted its shape to remain firmly rooted whilst also changed. When a tree meets a stone wall or other immoveable object, it grows around it. It doesn’t try to resist or stop growing at all, it simply changes tack.

The apple tree in my garden has bowed down with the weight of the fruit, changed its shape to cope until the fruit has ripened and been picked

What could you change this week? If big changes makes you a bit uneasy or scared, why not make little changes, as I’ve started doing? How about changing the type of book or newspaper you read, try some herbal tea in place of your coffee, cook something very different from your usual fare? Some of my little things are becoming bigger gradually, and I hope that I’ll feel more confident in making the bigger changes soon. Could you tell me about your changes? Message me here or pop over to my Instagram, @yorkshire_wellies. I’d love to see/hear what you might come up with, or how you’ve managed changes in your life!

Shift + Ctrl + Alt

(Daughter’s bedroom undergoing big changes from pale to much stronger colours!)

It’s officially the school summer holidays now in the UK, even though my children have been home with me for eleventy seven weeks already! Considering the ratio of school work done to computer use for gaming is about 0.000001:100, they’ve actually been “on holiday” for all eleventy seven weeks!! The head of my son’s school reassures me that the work portal will remain open all summer at least and not to worry, so I could “shift” my attitude a bit, “ctrl” the amount of gaming, and “alt” (alter) what we do through the summer. I admit to being rather slack during these weeks, not enough housework or encouraging the children to do school work and get outside, but I bet I’m not the only parent. Lots of other things have slid as well – not been to the allotment for a while, spuds hurriedly shoved in the garden, the house is an eyesore inside and out, etc., etc. – but I feel a sea change coming this week. Despite feeling annoyed that I’ve not done the things I’d planned at the start of lockdown, for missing so many opportunities to improve parts of our lives, it’s not too late. Maybe we needed all those weeks of nothingness in order to settle into new ways, to defrag our brains from the previous way of doing things, and find new paths for ourselves.

Football training is back on, there’s talk of matches soon; my daughter’s friends are beginning to play out; I’ve been for a socially distanced meal in a friend’s garden and SD walks. The new (better? different?) way of living takes a bit of getting used to, that’s all, and sometimes your brain protests at that. After all, the notion of change upsets that old limbic bit of your brain, suggesting that it’s bad, you’re not safe, making you anxious and inclined to dig in your heels against the unknown. If we didn’t accept change, nothing would change: adaptability to changing environments and the ability to create change are what’s kept our species going so long. I know people who are changing their ways of working, have pivoted their businesses or started something new, taken the opportunity of the changes all around them to strike out in a different direction. Doing different things does feel ‘wrong’ somehow, but that’s only because you’re having to move onto another path, make a little detour. Maybe you’re working differently with what you already have: shopping from the cupboards and freezer to put together a meal, using up food in creative ways instead of throwing it away, or re-purposing items to use differently.

My friend, Juliet, set us just such a challenge last week in her Psychologies InstaLive. She spoke about using different media to create a piece of art, suggesting alternatives to paper, paint and brushes. How about ‘painting’ on an old tea towel with a fork and some food colour? Or try ‘stitching’ with grasses onto a piece of kitchen roll? You could cut up some old jeans and use various objects around the house to experiment with bleaching the colour? (* PLEASE do this last one outside or in a well-ventilated space, use rubber gloves, and supervise children!) Below is my effort, using part of a cardboard box, plants from my garden, and garden twine and wool to stitch them in place.

The second picture, below, was taken the morning after, and you can see how the greenery is dying, changing state. I felt it was important to show this, to remind me about things changing, that plants die, change state, and move on. It also reminded me of the idea of making ‘art for the bin’, where you simply have a go at something, without much of an idea, recognise that it’s just the process of making, and then chuck it away. It’s hard to preserve this kind of art without resorting to chemicals or whatever, so maybe it’s good to enjoy what you’ve made right now, take a few photos for posterity and then bin it, put it on the compost heap, and use that experience for creating your next ‘thing’.

‘Shift + ctrl +alt’ is all about change. It says ‘shift’ your thinking away from what doesn’t serve you anymore, change to a way that helps you, that moves you in a different direction. ‘Ctrl’ doesn’t always mean literal control of everything in life; maybe it’s being aware of what can reasonably be controlled and what (or who) is actually needing to change. Rather than resisting and trying to control everything rigidly, loosen that control and guide yourself (or others), be open to some flexibility. Finally, ‘alt’ could be read as either ‘alter’ or ‘alternate’. Try and alter how or what you think or do, your brain is plastic and always receptive to growth and change. Follow a different path when you go for a walk, swap your meals around, be more aware of what you think and try to challenge your brain. Alternate is a regular change between one thing and another: alternating between different coloured socks, choosing one supermarket over another. Why not go for a walk on alternate days of the week, if you find it difficult to go every day? It could soon become a good habit, and you could always change it up again! If you are finding eating healthily is hard, why not promise yourself to do so every other day, small changes like this are easier to slip in, without your reptilian brain getting too worked up and alerting you to perceived danger!

So what would you like to shift, control, or alter/alternate this week or soon? I find these things hard, I’m just beginning to learn after a lifetime of doing otherwise, not a life coach by any means! It’s important for me to see all this written down, like a coaching session to myself, a reminder or gentle nudge to do (and keep doing) these things in order to grow and change. I’m curious to know how you feel/think about this, do let me know via the comments!